There's a reason people say "kids say the darndest things." At a young age, kids don't typically have filters yet. Once they start speaking, they are finally at a point in their lives where they can communicate with their parents and ask questions (so many questions). They're curious about every little thing and know mommy and daddy are smart enough to answer all of their queries. However, with lots of questions (and zero filter) comes a lot of unexpected comments.
I remember saying a few cuss words to my parents when I was younger, simply because I heard them on the playground and had no idea they were even considered bad. I'm sure my parents were probably taken aback and giggled at the sight of me saying a word I didn't know the meaning of, but it's all a learning game. I know I'm not the only one.
The embarrassing part of being a parent to a chatterbox toddler is when they say awkward things in public that an adult wouldn't normally say. All a parent can really do is give a sympathetic look and have a little chat with their mini-me when the time is right. Others, however, take their hilarious stories to the Internet so parents everywhere can giggle at the darndest things they've said.
20 Garbage Lady
As a parent, giving a child chores is a great way to teach them hard work, structure, and independence. They're going to be so excited to help out around the house, knowing they're being a big help to mommy and daddy. But the same cannot be said for this hilarious little girl, as told on Reddit.
"When my daughter (3) tries to pawn off her garbage on me I'll often say 'Please throw out your own garbage. I'm not the garbage lady!' And then she will." She continued saying, "This week I asked her to throw out her wet bedtime pull-up I had just taken off her. She retorted: 'Hey! I'm not the lady garbage!' and she gave me quite the stern look!"
19 Got Milk?
Having a brood of children guarantees some hilarious conversations. Especially when you have to explain that both women's and men's bodies work differently.
"I just recently gave birth to twins who are spending time in the NICU. My 3-year-old son witnessed me pumping for the first time last night.
Son: Mommy what you doing?
Me, trying to explain it as simply as possible without going into too much detail: Mommy has milk in her body that I give to your brother and sister to help them grow. This machine helps me get it out so I can bring it to them.
Son, lifting up his shirt: Get milk from Cam’s tummy too, Mommy?"
This mom also mentioned how her 3-year-old thinks milk comes from her belly, which is another adorable remark.
18 Get Some Friends, Dad
A lot of parents say it's tough to keep friendships when you start a family. With work, keeping your relationship healthy, and running around with the kids — who has time to meet up with friends every week? This is why most moms and dads look to becoming closer with their own children. They do spend hours upon hours a day hanging out, after all. One dad told Reddit his sassy daughter's reply to him being—for lack of a better word—friendless.
"Daughter (5): Dad, when I grow up, will you still be my friend?
Me: Of course
Daughter: Don't you have your own friends?"
17 When Your Kid Tries To Guess Ages
Kids seem to be fascinated by how old people are. They're obsessed with wanting to be older so they can drive, do what they want, and not go to school. But at the same time, they don't want to actually BE old.
One curious toddler, however, decided to voice their thoughts about age — only it was to their parent's landlord.
"Our landlord came round this week. We've never met him before. The first thing my son says to him...
My 6-year-old: 'How old are you?'
Landlord: 'How old do I look?'
6-year-old: '75'
My partner and I were mortified (landlord's in his 50's)"
16 Stop Cleaning
Cleaning goes hand-in-hand with children. They don't really know what it's like to want a clean home, or even how to help around the house really. This is why most parents are constantly picking up after their kids or have a playroom specifically for all their toys.
"Daughter (5): Mommy, who is coming over today?
Me: No one, why?
Daughter: Then why are you cleaning so hard?"
Maybe one day this little girl will understand that her mommy is cleaning so hard because of her little messes!
15 Turtles
I think one of the most beautiful aspects of children is seeing how optimistic they are. They really have no fears until other kids chip in and make them self-conscious. They're dreamers.
One dad took his child to the zoo to check out some tortoises, and it's safe to say he learned how to rephrase his words a little more around his child.
"3yo: Look dad turtles!
Me: Nah dude, those are tortoises, turtles can swim tortoises can't.
3yo: yeah huh, they just need to practice!"
See what I mean? Dreamers! Who's this man to say turtles can't learn how to swim! *insert crying laughing emoji here*
14 Teammates
A few years ago Coca-Cola started a campaign where they put words and names on their cans. This made drinking Coke a little more fun than the norm. You can literally grab a Coke for your mom that says "Mom" on it. So after this dad asks his son to grab him a Coke, he learned real quick what his son thought of him.
"Me: Hey buddy, can you grab me a Coke from the fridge?
9yo (brings Coke): It says share with a teammate... (starts to leave to get a different Coke) You’re not my teammate.
Brutal, kid."
#Ouch
13 Holy Cow!
12 Hershey Kisses
11 Not Understanding Death
10 Double Chin
I think it's safe to say that every human body is beautiful. No matter the weight, size, height, or color — we are all beautiful. However, there seems to always be a negative reaction when someone is told they have two chins... Mainly because we're born with one. After one momma grabbed her little one's chin as a learning tool, she didn't expect for her daughter to flip the script.
"me: What's this?
her: A chin.
me: Can I have it? Just this little bit.
her: No, you've got your own chin.
me: But I want another one.
her: You already have 2 chins.
BURN!"
9 A Child's Imagination
A child's imagination is one of the best things about them. They're so dreamy and creative; nothing can hinder their mindset at that age. It's adorable thinking of everything they come up with. They're our youngest innovators and anything is impossible. Including this little girl thinking there are images of her in the future...
"A few months back my wife showed a picture of herself to our 3-year-old daughter. In the picture, my wife is about 7 years old. 'Do you know who this is?'
Daughter: (gasps) 'That’s me when I’m bigger!' I love that she thought this was actually possible."
8 Owls Are Not Turtles
It's always a fun day in a parent's life when they can educate their little one on the life of animals. Animals are such a fun educational moment. You can teach them what certain animals sound like, what kind of areas they're found in, and what they look like... It's a fun time to be a kid and to learn what animal you connect with. But in this silly story, this is one daughter who thinks she knows all *sips tea*.
"This morning, my wife told my 3-year-old daughter that owls were nocturnal. My daughter responded, 'Yes, owls are not turtles.'"
7 Kids Aren't As Nice As We Think They Are
As a pretty athletic gal, one of my hopes and dreams is to play sports with my child. There are so many learning opportunities through sports and it's something I'm looking forward to. This dad, however, was enjoying playing catch with his son until he learned exactly what his son was thinking...
"I have a terrible throw that sails over his head. I say, 'Sorry, that was a bad throw.' He stops, gives me a kind look and says, 'No daddy, that was a wonderful throw.' Then takes two steps towards getting the ball. He stops again, turns back around and says, 'When we say something nice, even when we don’t mean it at all, that’s called being polite, right?'"
6 Stand On One Foot
Giving directions to a child can be tough. What seems so simple to an adult is a big step for a kid. So it's important to break down what we need our kids to do as simply as possible.
"My little sister was at the doctor’s office for her annual checkup – she had to be somewhere around 3 pm. The nurse was asking all the standard coordination type questions – touch your nose, put your hands up, jump, etc. Being a healthy capable little devil, she’s doing everything fine. Then, the nurse says, 'stand on one foot.' My little sister looks at the nurse, looks down, and hesitates. Then she walks over and stands on one of the nurse’s feet."
5 Same Word, Different Meaning
The English language is pretty tough. We have a lot of words that sound the same but mean different things or are at least spelled differently. These are things a child will learn over time. But when they're that young and haven't learned all the ins and outs of grammar yet... it's easy to get lost in translation.
"I try to make it a point to take about 10 min at the end of each evening to help my daughter straighten up her room. After a particularly rough day, I sat down on the floor of her room to help her sort through her dolls and I had muttered 'I really don’t have the juice for this tonight…' My daughter left the room and returned a few minutes later with a cup of apple juice for me."
4 Life Is Tough
An endearing (and semi-annoying) part about children is how dramatic they are. Adults have been through a lot of hardships to get to where they are today. There' getting an education, learning taxes, childbirth... All of these experience makes us who were are today, though. Kids just don't know it yet...
"My girlfriend was in the pediatrician’s office with her 5-year-old son for a routine checkup. A nurse glanced at his chart and announced that he was overdue for a particular shot. When the nurse left the room, the little boy threw himself back upon the examination table and stage-whispered, in a wavering voice, 'Do you have any idea…(pause for drama)…what I’ve been through?'"
3 Bones And Blood
There are a ton of nursery rhymes we're told and sung when we're little. These little songs tell stories that keep our imaginations alive and flowing. It also introduces us to music.
When this grandfather was trying to teach his granddaughter a song, he expected her to follow along with the lyrics, but instead, she added her own—more realistic—spin.
"When my younger sister was around two or three, she was sitting on my grandfather’s lap and he was reciting a bunch of childhood sing-song rhymes to her (Humpty Dumpty, Itsy-Bitsy Spider, etc.). At one point, my grandfather says 'What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of!'
Sister: 'No they aren't!'
Grandfather: 'They aren’t? What are little girls made of, then?'
Sister: 'They’re made of bones and blood.'"
2 Close, But Not Close Enough
As aforementioned, when kids try to say new words they've learned, it can be hit or miss. Sometimes they use it successfully and a gold star can be put on the wall. Other times, they couldn't be more far off.
"Our 2-year-old was a little jealous of her newborn sister. One night she said wistfully, 'I wish I could drink milk from Mommy’s nickels…' Maybe only funny to us, but two years later it still makes us laugh."
I think every parent has a silly story like this. I mean, I used to saw my swimsuit, a swimsoup.
1 Suffocating
It can be hard for a parent when they realize their little one is getting older and no longer needs them all the time. I'm sure there was one point in every child's life where they wanted nothing more but to cuddle with dear old mom and dad. But one day, they learn that they don't need their parents to cuddle with — they've got stuffed animals for that now. And that can he hard for a parent to grasp.
"4-year-old: What did I earn for being good today?
Me: My love and affection.
4-year-old: [cries] I don't want that!"
References: Reddit, Thought Catalog, Scary Mommy