The holidays are here, that glorious time of year when people give - and receive- more than their usual share of gifts. It's a time when folks take a few extra minutes to select the perfect present that is sure to bring a smile to a loved one's face.
As a result, a lot of time is spent in shopping malls and scrolling online, running to the post office and scurrying to retrieve items left on the porch.
All in the name of Christmas present perfection.
But children - children seem to have a different methodology when selecting a present for their parents. It's as if they are blindfolded, spun around ten times, and then whatever catalog item they fall upon is what they're choosing. Sweaters - sure. Gadgets - yes, please. Homemade sweater vest - you bet your bottom dollar.
A child-selected gift can be spotted from a mile away. They somehow have a different vibe than the things grownups pick out for each other, and when that vibe is mixed with red cheeks and panicked eyes, bingo. That gift came from a munchkin. Not that the gifts are necessarily a swing and a miss, but they're just too unique to compare with mere mortals' presents.
First of all, can we just take a moment to recognize the creativity and engineering that went into this gift? This kid was thinking out-of-the-box by actually using the box; wow, right? The mind that conceived this contraption is going to do big, big things in the world.
And talk about your relaxing, spa-like experience. Stretching out on cardboard that may or may not hold you up, being pushed around on wobbly plastic "wheels" - ahhhh. Perhaps you can hold a serenity candle while being jostled; that could totally up the zen-level of the experience.
This is beyond sweet, this crazy-cool ingenuity.
Who needs an expensive poolside bar or elegant drink cart when you just got gifted this?
Allow me to set the scene. You're on one side of the pool, reclining on one of those huge inflatable swans. Your husband is cleaning the filter on the other end. It is hot, and you are thirsty.
"Hey, honey, I'm thirsty."
"On it." Said husband puts a foot on the edge of USS Drinks, gives it a shove, and your delicious beverage propels toward you at an impressively high rate of speed.
Nice work, kid. Your mother will either be refreshed or sprayed with flying-drink-spillage. Win-win.
Not only is this a pretty dang good drawing, with vivid colors and nice framing design, but this artistic little lady managed to capture a photobomber over her shoulder. She clearly has a brother, if this is what her mind's eye sees when she imagines a picture of herself.
A hovering younger brother who is always just there, in her space, annoying her as brothers do.
Regardless, the little artist gifted you with this priceless painting.
I love this plate so much because it is a giant question mark. Technically, these could be claws. Pitchforks. Mustaches, bugs on sticks, fish tales; the sky is the limit on these overcooked beauties.
The one on the right, though; I'm pretty sure it's a magic wand of some variety, right? At a glance, I don't really want to eat it but I definitely want to wave it around and cast spells on those who irritate me. Harmless, gingerbread spells that render them less irritating and more prone to do me favors.
Hmm...maybe the holidays are getting to me. Fa-la-la and give me that wand.
Rocks on rocks on rocks; yesss. We think this statue is beyond adorable, a geological masterpiece to the Nth degree. And the attention to detail is downright impressive. The Sharpied-on glasses and hair, the argyle sweater and matching booties; we only hope that the dad who inspired this masterpiece actually owns this outfit. It is my greatest wish to have a side-by-side pic of the in-real-life version of this stony fellow.
And where did this kid find the cool face rocks? That's some kind of shimmer and shine.
Future Michelangelo up in here.
Now mom can recline in the tub with her favorite book; nice job, kid! No need for something fancy from SkyMall when there are children amongst us with dog leashes, capital ideas, and bathtubs. They are changing the world, one murky bath at a time.
I wonder if someone could implement an entire system of leash pulleys like this, expanding the multi-tasking comforts of bath time into a full-on relaxation station. A dog's collar could go around a canned beverage, so that could be an option. And I'm fairly certain I could hook that clasp through the top of a bag of chips.
This kid is an innovator. Mad respect.
I just can't stop laughing. With the flower pot, not at the flower pot, of course. It's just so incredibly...um...life-like. The kid in the picture is adorable, sure, but he has become the pot. This is no longer a picture on a flower pot, but a flower pot with a face.
I want one exactly like this, where this exact flower pot boy is giving me this exact look at all times. Because this look is everything.
Flower Pot is either surprised or disappointed; it changes depending on what he has witnessed. And ooooooh, he is going to tell daaaad. Ummmm; you're in big trouble, dude.
Oh, what a thoughtful child, giving you the gift of a delicious breakfast.
Toast - mmm, toast. What's better on toast than a rubber shark and Legos? Um, nothing, that's what. The shark will probably require a sharp steak knife and some good chompers, but that's not a problem, right, mom? The Legos are actually just a swanky garnish, so they can be brushed aside with your fork or tea straw.
That's right - tea straw. Your nicely-steeping tea has a straw, so you're welcome to guzzle down steaming hot, double-bagged tea in an expedient fashion that will not slow you down on your busy morning. So thoughtful.
Ah, kid art. Is there anything better? Nothing says Merry Christmas and I love you quite like a questionable red bear with plan-hatching eyebrows, star-shaped corneas, and a knowing smirk.
This bear knows all. He sees you. He can't wait to hang on your refrigerator and witness every little thing that you do. And he will miss nothing. It's going to take a bold move by you to stop him from watching. A nonchalant flip-around, an accidental covering by another work of kid art; you will have to be deliberate if you want to get his gaze off of you.
What an amazing present!
Blanket - check. Cute dress - check. Letters - check.
They almost pulled it off. They gathered together everything they would need and headed out to the great outdoors to capture a moment of extreme cuteness. They almost gave dad the sweetest, most adorable photograph as a present that he would love and cherish forever. Instead, they essentially gave him a nametag. If he affixes this photo to his front pocket, it's the same as saying "Hello, my name is dad."
Or...perhaps they gave him a bookmark. Or a piece of scratch paper...?
We know about this guy; from the neck down, at least. This is the torso of Spiderman, that beloved superhero who wields web like a boss, swinging on it and wrapping up questionable characters with its sticky, binding surface. Spiderman is a legend, right?
But this dude is so much more than just that Peter Parkery legend. He is Pie-derman. He's got the web and the torso and the web-slinging skills, but his head is a pie. What's better than pie? Um, not a single, solitary thing!
If your kid loves you enough to create Pie-derman for you, hold him close and never let him go. Because there is no love like Pie-derman love.
Oh, my goodness, honey, did you make this? For me?
Of course, she did; what store would sell this? Not that it isn't amazing, because it so is, but bare, undecorated feet aren't the norm when it comes to Christmas decorations. Throw on some glitter or a sequin, and sure, this could maybe be a store-bought ornament. But the simple, classic lines and fleshy coloring scream homemade.
I love it! Thank you so much! Let's find a place for it on the tree! Mom will always love this one, even though it is technically just a foot with a hole in it.
Your child is not playing. She is an artistic genius and this is what you look like to her. Pretty humbling, isn't it, Carol? But worry not; she thinks you are absolutely beautiful, even if her handcrafted version of you leaves a little to be desired.
Her question is great, though. She has no idea how old you are. So yes, you can delude yourself into believing that your baby thinks you are twenty, but odds are good that to her you are absolutely no different than a sixty-eight-year-old woman.
Merry Christmas, Mommy.
How old is your kid? Because it kind of seems like he might be old enough to grasp sarcasm. This seems like something my fifteen year old would do because he thinks he's hilarious. And is that wood laminate that the tin foil is taped to? Nice.
But perhaps not. Perhaps your little munchkin wants you to have the gift of knowledge. The awareness of your own beauty. It's possible that your child thinks you're a magnificent creature and wants you to think so, too.
But that foil, though, right? Clearly, you can't see a thing in there, so...hmm. Enjoy your present.
Thanks for the mug - oh, my goodness, I love it so much! I can't wait to drink something out of it!
But...you know you can. You can definitely wait. You don't know if that paint is even safe to touch your mouth, do you? The hippy art teacher said it is, but do you really trust that guy? His beard is questionable, as are the sandals that show off his hairy toes.
Also, those things do not look water-tight. The odds of those mugs holding water are slim to none. Definitely have the maiden voyage be something that doesn't stain; water, maybe. Coffee or red Kool-aid are a fool's game.
Don't be a hero, Beth.
As if we didn't love Jennifer Garner enough already, she rocks her mile-long scarf like she's walking the runway. It was knitted by her daughter, all 12 feet of it, so she proudly displays that beautifully-knitted accessory as if it's got a designer label affixed to the front.
Could I make a scarf like that? No way. The offspring of Garner/Affleck is clearly already growing into her superstar genes and she's only in middle school. Perhaps someday we'll see her designs being shown at New York Fashion Week?
Only time will tell.
Again with the creativity. Mom wanted a stand where she could set her tablet and watch her programs and BOOM. This kid delivered in an inventive - and bright - way.
And if she gets bored, she can grab the bucket of Legos and get busy. Just think of the buildings she can build as she binge-watches Game of Thrones on Netflix. Towers and castles and cars and dope houses.
I wouldn't be surprised if mother dear goes all-in and creates an entire town that surrounds her iPad. Multi-tasking is her sweet-spot, after all, so it stands to reason. #gogirl
Is it festive, or just festooned with every single item that could possibly be found in the holiday closet of mom's sewing room? Penguin, bells, garland, stars, bows, string; this sweater has everything. What else could even be added to this hyper-dope Christmas sweater?
Can you just imagine receiving this gem? The wow-I-love-it-so-much expression you would have to work so hard to plaster on your face as your eyes took in the utter glory of this sweater? If you pull it off, you might be an Oscar-worthy actress, girl.
Homemade is good. Kid-made is pure gold.
The big question here is regarding intention. Is this a blanket statement about the receiver of the gift, the same as if the necklace said Good Hair? Or is it an inspirational command, similar to Nike's Just Do It?
Laugh. Love. Fart Loud.
The shoelace gives this piece a whimsical touch and allows for a delightful bow that will accentuate any outfit nicely. And mom, you know you will have to wear this bracelet out in public sometime. I mean, maybe if you "accidentally" lose the D, people will just assume you borrorwed Fart Lou's bracelet.
Adults love to tell kids that these are good gifts, but come on. Who wants this, really? And please tell me - has anyone ever used this coupon and had a luxurious Saturday morning of uninterrupted sleep? Puh-leeze.
This gift is a cop-out, kids, a phone-it-in way to get out of coming up with an actual gift. And your parents know this.
We love you and will always appreciate everything you make for us. We will hug and kiss you, and we will smile and save your gift in a special place.
But we will be hardcore rolling our eyes when you aren't looking.
Sources: E!online, Pinterest, Twitter, Buzzfeed, Bored Panda, Reddit.