When first meeting someone that one feels an immediate attraction to, more times than not one acts upon it, right? I mean, there are only so many people in this world that make us feel ten different levels of euphoria, right? What might seal the fate is when the two of you hit it off so well – both physically and emotionally – that you end up becoming one, so to speak. In other words, you fall in love, get married, start a family and live happily ever after.
Everything then starts working out the way it is supposed to, except for maybe the happily ever after part. Because let’s face it: marriage is the hardest job on this planet. But for some people, they knew that things wouldn’t work out before they didn’t work out. The red flags were there, but the problem was that they simply ignored them. Why? Because that’s what love and lust will do to you. Love is the greatest aphrodisiac.
With that being said, here 20 signs of red flags that people have noticed before tying the knot, but got married anyway. You can’t say you weren’t warned! Check it out below and let us know what you think.
20 He Ignores The Baby
Just like it takes two people to tango, it takes two people (or more) to raise a child. Now, we know that a lot of people like to put “baby in the carriage” before that marriage, but if he’s not showing interest in fatherhood now, don’t hold your breath that he will show interest later.
One person on Reddit wrote, “Whenever he came home from work, instead of holding the baby, he would go straight to his Xbox and play a couple of games before dinner. It’s as if the baby didn’t exist for him at all, even when he was crying.”
19 Better Apart
“I enjoyed my time away from him more than time with him. I would get super depressed when I knew he was going to be home from work soon. I brushed it off as being antisocial or independent. But now I'm with someone who I'm still excited to see every single day after 7 years and I'm still antisocial and independent.”
Sometimes all you need to do is listen to your own intuition. If your gut feeling is telling you that something isn’t right, chances are, it’s not right. You want to miss him, not want to completely miss him.
18 Still With Mom
"I married a 35-year-old man who was still living with his parents. I thought, 'Oh, what a sweet son, who values closeness with his family.' Nope. He was a lazy, co-dependent man-child who spent all his money on food, beer, and video games."
If he is unwilling to cut that umbilical cord at this point, then chances are he will never cut that umbilical cord. Many marriage experts will tell you that having a man baby is the worst kind of husband. You and your partner are supposed to raise your child, not each other. Move on and don’t look back.
17 Lack of Attention
We’d hate to break this to you, but if he’s ignoring you now, chances are he will ignore you down the road, too. The sizzle in your fire shouldn’t come out instantly. If he’s not treating you like the queen you are, give him his walking papers.
One person on Reddit wrote, “It didn’t matter if it was Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, or my birthday, he would always forget. Now, I know that many men are usually forgetful, especially when it comes to calendar dates, but he didn’t make the slightest effort to make me feel special or give me any attention in any way.”
16 No Interest In Family
If he shows no interest in getting to know your parents or your extended family members, this might cause a problem down the road, especially during the holidays. If he loves you, he should at least try and tolerate your family. He doesn’t have to love them, but he should at least be courteous and respectful to them.
Therapist Elizabeth LaMotte tells the Huffington Post, “A less noticeable but meaningful concern is when your significant other welcomes you into their friendship and family circles, but refuses to attend events and social functions in your social, family and professional life. Ideally, it should flow both ways.”
15 Gas Lighting
If he is making you feel like your crazy for no apparent reason, that’s a bad sign. It’s also psychological manipulation. He’s not telling you the truth and worse, making it sound like you are the one that might have all the facts wrong, and not him.
According to the Huffington Post, this is how it works: “You hear a woman’s voice in the background when your husband calls you from his business trip, but when you question him, he convinces you it was your imagination or that it was the TV, even though you could have sworn the voice called your husband by name.”
14 Talking About The Exes
If he’s got something bad to say about one of his exes, you better bet that he will one day talk the same way about you, too. Now, we are not saying that he should be best friends with them, but a little respect goes a long way. Plus, he shouldn’t be invested so much in his exes in the first place, especially if he is with you.
Dating Coach Samantha Rodman told the Huffington Post, “No relationship ends only because of one person’s behavior, and if your partner acts victimized by their exes, one day they will likely play the victim card in their relationship with you.”
13 Lack Of Apology
When he says sorry, he better mean it. But if he has a problem saying sorry, to begin with, you might have a huge problem on your hands. When it comes to relationships, more often than not, the fault lies right in between. He can’t expect to get away with his behavior without knowing what he’s done wrong or apologizing for it.
Family therapist Winifred M. Reilly told HuffPo, “Being able to apologize is a sign of maturity. It says, ‘I’m willing to be accountable. I can admit my mistakes.’ The red flag here is that over time, your relationship will suffer if the only person owning up to misdeeds is you.”
12 He Doesn’t Like Kids
“He never really said it out loud, but whenever he was around my nieces and nephews, he would act as if he was about to break out in hives at any given moment. It was weird. It was also very odd about how angry he would get whenever we would hear a screaming baby on a plane. I get it, flying sucks as it is, but his face would fill with rage over it.”
Now, we know there is a huge difference between your children and other people’s children, but if he acts like this, it’s definitely a red flag. I mean, if he has a reason like this not to like children, chances are he doesn’t want them at all.
11 Too Sensitive
“She became overwhelmed by even the tiniest setbacks. Someone said something marginally rude to her at work and she had to take the rest of the shift off because she was fuming so much, for example. Turns out she was that way with everything.”
When you live with someone who is this sensitive, prepare to walk on eggshells for the remainder of your marriage, or your relationship with them. And trust us, trying to be careful of every little move that you make – in order not to wake the dragon – is no fun at all. Someone needs to grow a spine here.
10 He Won’t Change Diapers
“I came into this thinking that raising a child would be a joint effort, but that hasn’t been the case at all. He made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to [be around] our son, let alone change any of his dirty diapers, leaving the messy clean up to me. I thought that maybe he would be more involved during the toddler stages, but nothing has changed.”
If he refuses to help during the beginning stages, chances are he’s not going to help later on, too. Let’s face it: it takes two to tango, two to make a baby, and two (or more) people to raise it. Parenthood is not what you call a solo project.
9 He Was Jealous Of The Breastfeeding
“Each time I would breastfeed our newborn, he would get angry. In fact, he was straight up jealous. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this jealousy stemmed from his own mommy issues and detachment problems he had with his own mother.”
Whoa. We won’t say this very often, but this is borderline creepy. If he stops you from doing your job (and that’s feeding your newborn) because of his creepy jealousy, ship that man out of there. Breastfeeding and taking care of a newborn is hard enough. You shouldn’t have to deal with his emotional instability on top of it.
8 A Mother-In-Law's Warning
“Before we got married, his mom said ‘If you ever get divorced, we will know it was because of him and not you.’ Huge red flag, and all I thought was ‘Wow, what a mean thing to say about your own.’”
Yikes. Usually, mothers-in-law want you out of the picture, but it looks like this one knows just how bad her own son is. If his own mother doesn’t have faith in him, sorry mama, but there’s no point in pursuing this relationship or marriage, for that matter. You don’t want to hear the “D” word before you say your own vows.
7 Non-Truth Teller
“He was a pathological liar. The first thing he said to me was a lie - his age. He said he was 21 when he was 23, no big deal. But it was a pattern.”
It’s the little things that count too, right? If he is going to tell little white lies like this – as meaningless and small as they may seem – you better bet your bottom dollar that he will do it again, and with much bigger lies, too. They eventually snowball so much that a professional liar will have a hard time stopping. Plus, do you really want someone who likes like this to his own kids, too? We didn’t think so.
6 Physically There, Emotionally Gone
“Just as I was about to give birth to our baby, my fiancé was sitting in the corner of the delivery room texting his friends. He didn’t even make one ounce of effort to help me, support me, or be by my side as I was about to give birth to his very first child. I couldn’t help but look over at him and think, 'Is this the man I want as a father for my child?' It was too late of course, but his lack of enthusiasm and excitement is something that I will never forget.”
Girl, give the man his walking papers. Now, we are not saying that he needs to be an emotional mess here, but he should be able to show some sort of sign that he’s ready to become a father just as you are about to give birth.
5 Hoarding Mess
“Collecting literally 1000's of elephants. Cuddly toys/posters/ ornaments, Everything. Even in our house today they are everywhere, you can point in any direction in nearly every room and you'll find another one. It's the worst safari I've ever been on. I have to beg everyone she knows not to get more elephant stuff (for presents!). I just randomly looked at the top of our Christmas tree and guess what. Yeah.”
Uh-oh. Is this something that you want to deal with for the rest of your life? Now, we can dedicate an entirely new post to this, but hoarders are truly one-of-a-kind people. Before you know it, you’ll end up in the garage, simply because there won’t be enough room for you. And don’t get me started on all the toys!
4 Even Mom Knew
“My future mil spending half an hour trying to convince me not to marry her son because he wasn't good enough for me (immediately following our engagement announcement, to her). In hindsight, she was really right about his housekeeping habits, but more than a decade in, while very annoying it's hardly a deal breaker! Her son has been the best thing to happen to me and I certainly wouldn't be where I am today without him.”
Again, if his own mama doesn’t have faith in him, you are in trouble girl. That, or she might simply be jealous of your relationship and is trying to push you out of the picture. Either way, you don’t want to deal with a man baby and a controlling mother-in-law at the same time. Walk away before it’s too late.
3 He Calls His Mom Everyday
“At first I thought it was pretty cute that he would call his mom every day. I thought the sweetness of how close they were was cute. But not anymore. It drives me up the wall how much he shares personal details about our marriage with her. And what makes it worse is that she gives him her opinion, as if she were in our marriage, too. Big mistake.”
If he calls his mother every day and spends more time talking to her than paying attention to you and your kids, he’s got some serious mommy attachment issues here. Once a week is enough, people. Mom shouldn’t still be the number one person in his life.
2 Kindness First
“She was not kind to people she felt were beneath her- waitresses, housekeeping, mechanics, etc. But she was very very beautiful so I didn’t think as much about it as I should. Marry someone because they are kind, not because they are beautiful.”
If she’s not willing to be kind to those around her, chances are she’s not going to be very kind to you, your family, your friends, or even your future kids for that matter. Bullying sucks. Kindness is what helps make the world go round, and of course, keep marriages together. Show her the front door and don’t look back.
1 Ghosting Is Still A Thing
Ghosting, in theory, is “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication,” according to the online urban dictionary. Now, if you are in a relationship with him already, obviously he’s not ghosting you. But if he’s done this to an ex-girlfriend or someone close to him in the past, you better bet your bottom dollar that he might do this to you. It’s a shameful practice – if not also an immature one, too - and one that might end in tears for you. This is a huge red flag you need to pay attention to, mama.
References: reddit.com, elitedaily.com