Got baby on the brain? Chances are that's a shared thought for both halves of a couple, but the way each soon-to-be parent thinks about having a baby may be extremely different. The thought process leading up to having a baby can be a pretty vigorous one and couples really should sit down and discuss their expectations, aspirations, and current reality when factoring in a new human into their lifestyle.
However, women and men may have drastically opposite thoughts on the subject–even after having a discussion.
Some thoughts may be hilarious, while others are just strange. So when it comes to deciding on a new baby let's talk potential discrepancies. Women tend to be more emotional and forward thinking, while men tend to be more practical and better at addressing a singular task instead of balancing multiple tasks at once. So when it comes to talking about a baby, couples may find that women are able to balance multiple ideas at a time, and are able to lay out potential solutions to problems that haven't even happened yet, while men will more often than not just look at what is in front of them and address that. Talk about a perfect balance, right?
So if a baby is on the brain and dad-to-be seems to be a little absent on some of the details mom-to-be seems super clear on, here's a bit of insight as to 20 different kind of thoughts men and women may have when deciding to have a baby.
18 Women: What Will You Look Like?
Most women who are thinking about having a baby think about what the baby will look like once he or she is born. Men, on the other hand, may not think about this possibility so much. Do you think he or she will have your nose or mine? What color do you think his or her hair will be? For women, the possibility of the unknown is always an obstacle to tackle. For men, imagining how something could potentially be is not logical, and since they tend to be more logical in their thinking and dismiss information that is not directly involved with the issue they are tackling, according to Psychology Today.
17 Men: What Will You Look Like?
Whereas women may be thinking about what the baby will look like once he or she is born, men may be wondering what their partners will look like after giving birth. Now more than ever, women are pressured into bouncing back after pregnancy, and in a world where Kate Middleton is in heels and a fitted suit days after giving birth, the average woman may feel like they are supposed to be a size two just one week after having a baby, and their partners too. When deciding to have a baby parents-to-be should be transparent about their personal expectations as parents as well as what they can do physically.
16 Women: How Long Will It Take
For most women, the moment they start trying to conceive they want to know how long it will take to get pregnant.
Women are very results orientated since they deal with tackling multiple tasks at one time. Checking things off their list provides a lot of satisfaction.
So when it comes to deciding to have a baby, the immediate thought is how long will it take until I have the results I am looking for. Men and women think pretty differently in this matter since deciding to have a baby is a decision, and not really an activity for most men. For them, there are a lot of other things to focus on until the baby is actually there.
15 Men: Trying Is Great
For men, once the decision to have a baby is reached, the act of trying to have a baby is half of the fun, that is of course unless the woman starts making the activity of trying like a marathon race they need to win. As we mentioned before, women are really results-oriented, while men will just enjoy the daily activity and take it as it is. Thinking about having a baby? Don't be surprised if your partner is more focused on the activity of just having it happen naturally if you are spending your time counting calendars and buying ovulation tests.
14 Women: Do We Have Enough?
For women, the idea of having a baby makes us switch immediately into parenting mode.
"Do we have enough money, time, space, love, stability?" You name it she's thinking it.
Planning to have a baby is a big deal. And it requires a lot of little-nuanced things that the mom-to-be will surely cover in her thought process. The should we have a baby decision requires a long list of to-dos, need to gets, and requirements. This will likely cause her to analyze the current lifestyle and push her to figure things out and continue her role as the manager of the home.
13 Men: Let's Match
Instead of having enough, men will often think about the fun side of having a child. "Wouldn't it be great to have a miniature me running around? We could get him or her matching sneakers and gear so that whenever anyone sees us they will know we are all a family."
Although it is adorable, this is almost uniquely a male thought, at least as an initial thought to having a child. Don't worry though, you can take care of all of the important things, and he can take care of the fun things, like buying a football when he or she is too small to even hold her head up, hey she'll grow into it one day, right?
12 Women: Timing Is Everything
For some women, the idea of being pregnant during certain times of the year sounds terrible. Can you imagine being very pregnant in 100-degree weather? The weight, the discomfort, the sweating? "If we get pregnant now he or she will be a born in the winter," may be a thought some women having.
Women are the planners.
And so when it comes to talking about baby, some women may want to wait on trying to conceive until they can plan out where their pregnancy falls over the nine months of the calendar year so they are not dealing with tackling swollen ankles and winter boots and icy roads.
11 Men: What About Our Plans?
Rarely will men think about how the decision to have a baby will affect the future nine months, instead their mind will jump directly to the good things that are bound to arise when the baby is actually here, unless of course, you two planned a major trip or even that falls right before the baby could make his or her big debut.
"Wait, so if we get pregnant now, can we still go to that concert?" May very well be one of those thoughts. Don't fret mom-to-be, this is a normal reaction, just go with it. Besides, will you actually want to be on a flight to Bora Bora at seven months? Or standing at a concert for several hours with a huge bump?
10 Women: Bigger Is Better
Just like thinking whether or not they have enough, women will often wonder whether or not their current home is enough to accommodate the demands of a growing baby. "We may need more space," is a common thought many women have when it comes to adding on to the family. So if you are thinking about your budget in relation to where you can find space for your nursery or a new home altogether, don't fret this is normal, and also something that will kick in in full drive once you actually get pregnant, it's something called nesting. Just a fun fact for later down the road.
9 Men: My Space
As women contemplate how to create more space for their little ones, men often contemplate how to keep their space the same.
"I really hope she doesn't ask me to give up my game room," is just another common thought a lot of dads-to-be will have. Why not have a baby and a game room. He or she can sleep with us, right? Just kidding, not all men are that short sided, but many of them do not think of the gross demands of family and think more so of the demands that the new family will impose on their current lifestyle. It can be a drag to explain, but it is just another fact of life.
8 Women: That Kind Of Mom
When it comes to thinking about becoming a parent, women will often factor in what sort of mother they will be and what traits they hope to pass on to their children.
"Will I still be able to work full time? Who will take care of him or her if I do go back to work? Will I be a good mother? Will I be patient enough?"
When it comes to mommying, new mothers always want the best for their child. So it's only natural that when the conversation arises in a couple and the baby decision comes up, moms jump directly to the sort of mother they hope to be.
7 Men: The Cool Dad
I'm sure we've all heard a guy say that he wants to be the "cool dad." You know, the dad that the kids always run to after mom said 'no.' The dad that take their kids on adventures and that is always asked to chaperone on school trips.
The cool dad is what most men aspire to be and can become if they really really try.
So while women are analyzing the more long-term effects that parenting will have on them as a person, men are more focused on how their kids will see them and what they can do to maintain their image, according to the parenting site, Power of Positivity.
6 Women: Yay! Shopping!!!
What woman does not like another excuse for shopping? When it comes to baby talk, there is not much that women love more than the idea of being able to shop for those adorable baby clothes and those celebrity style maternity looks. Images of pregnant Eva Longoria and fit mom Beyonce will run through their minds. "How can I be like that?" she will think to herself.
Shopping for first-time baby looks and adorable onesies and setting up the nursery is all part of the fun in becoming a new mother. Though it is important to note that while baby shopping is fun, the shopping does not stop there... parents will be buying kids stuff for a long, long time.
5 Men: What Is A Baby Registry?
As ridiculous as it sounds, you may have to explain to your partner that a baby registry is not a place where you register your baby or register for a baby. It's actually a place where you register for the things you will need for your baby.
Having a baby registry will really lessen the blow of trying to figure out everything you need for the new addition. Many sites even offer suggestions and incentives when a certain number of products are purchased, which is great too. So while many men will have no clue about baby registries and baby showers, get him involved if you can.
4 Women: The Logistics
When it comes to being a new mom and thinking about bringing a baby on board, moms-to-be will think about the logistics: how long will my maternity leave be? Does my company even have a maternity leave policy? What is it?
Unfortunately, society makes it a little harder for women, maternity leave is something that isn't offered by every company and is something that needs to be handled very delicately with employers. Depending on how long women have been in their position they may not even be eligible for maternity leave, making the baby decision even harder and even more research demanding.
Whereas women may be thought ridden with the idea of taking time off from work, talk about a new baby usually makes men think the opposite. "How can I work more, or work longer hours to prepare for the baby financially?"
This is a good thing! Being responsible is a great trait so congratulate yourself if your guy has this, although that may mean less time with you and your little one, in the beginning, it is important to really map out how your partner will deal with taking on the financial and logistical responsibility of caring for a new human at home.
3 Women: The Change
Women will often wonder how the relationship between mom and dad-to-be will change once the baby arrives or once she gets pregnant. Chances are things will change, but it's important to be on the same page.
Think about how to still incorporate time for one another alone and with your little one once the baby arrives.
Think of low-key activities the two of you can do together when you get pregnant. This may seem challenging but more often than not women will have a solution to propose that will keep the relationship growing. The key is to think about it early and establish boundaries.
One of the most attractive things for men when deciding to have a baby may be how their partner's body will change during pregnancy. Again, men are very visual so when thinking about how much more ample certain parts of their partner will become as she prepares for motherhood can be particularly enticing. Sure you'll be a mom, but you are sure to look awesome while doing it. You may be surprised how much more your partner will be on board with the idea of having a baby if you discuss the physical advantages that come along with motherhood. Hey, you have to think outside the box sometimes to see the big picture.
2 Women: What Is In A Name
"We should choose a name that is original, strong, easy to pronounce, yet distinct."
For women, the name game is a big deal. A name says a lot about a person so moms often want it to be just right. Most women will call their partners at all hours of the day saying, "what do you think about this name?" They may find themselves making long lists of potential names and crossing off some as the months progress, and the best part is, it is never to early to start the process.
Choosing a name is the most permanent decisions new parents have to make so when the baby decision comes to the table, don't be surprised if you toss around a few names even before you're pregnant.
1 Men: Just Call Him Junior
When it comes to the name game, men can be a bit simpler than women. "If it is a boy just name him after me. If it is a girl just name her a feminine variant of my name." And that's pretty much it. Unless he hates his name, in which case choosing a name could actually be a pretty fun couple activity. Either way, try not to give up.
Choosing a name should be fun. As soon-to-be parents, you two should pronounce the names on your list over and over again until something sticks. Sound crazy? One will eventually, take it from us. We are moms after all.
References: Psychology Today, Power of Positivity, Web MD, personal experiences