There is a lot that parents can do for their children that will ensure their success as they grow into adults. There are also things that parents can do that will hold a child back from success. Confidence is a great thing for children to have because it can ensure their success later on in life. Children who have low self-esteem can have more difficulty with finding success in the future. Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of 15 parenting books, says, “A kid who lacks confidence will be reluctant to try new or challenging things because they're scared of [...] disappointing others.”
There are plenty of signs as to whether a child is on the right track to having success in their future. Any parent would want to know where they fit into this and whether there are things that they can do that will help their child along in life. It’s also great to know if a parent is doing something that could be holding their child back.
Check out these 16 signs mom’s kid is on the track to success (and 4 ways they’re being held back).
Let's start with the 16 signs mom's kid is on the track to success...
20 They Do Chores Without Complaining
If you are a parent that makes your kids do chores, then they are on the road to success. "If kids aren't doing the dishes, it means someone else is doing that for them," Julie Lythcott-Haims, former dean of freshmen at Stanford University and author of How to Raise an Adult, said during a TED Talks Live event. "And so they're absolved of not only the work but of learning that work has to be done and that each one of us must contribute for the betterment of the whole," she said. We couldn’t agree more.
19 Mom Celebrates Triumphs And Losses
A child isn’t always going to be successful, and you don’t want them to get depressed over a loss, as losing sometimes is just part of life. Applaud their effort, whether they get the winning goal or whether they kick the ball out of bounds. Putting unnecessary pressure on a kid is not the way to lead them to success. You should never embarrass a child for their efforts. "Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well," says Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of 15 parenting books.
18 They Are Constantly Practicing Their Passions
Whatever your child is passionate about, it’s important to encourage them to practice it all the time. That’s a great path to success. When we say to encourage them, we also warn against putting too much pressure on them. Harmony Shu, a piano prodigy, told Ellen DeGeneres that she had been playing piano since she was only 3 years old. "Practice invests effort in the confident expectation that improvement will follow," Pickhardt explains. It’s a great way to help your child to succeed in life and to develop something they already have a passion for.
17 They Have Good Social Skills
Children who are successful have always had good social skills, something that parents help them to develop early on in life. One study that Pennsylvania State University and Duke University did show that kids that had great social skills were more likely to earn a college degree and get a job by the age of 25. "This study shows that helping children develop social and emotional skills is one of the most important things we can do to prepare them for a healthy future," said Kristin Schubert, program director at the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.
16 They Figure Out Problems On Their Own
A successful child is one who has learned to figure out problems on their own. That means not always giving the child all the answers. You can do everything for your child or they will never learn how to do things on their own. "Parental help can prevent confidence derived from self-help and figuring out on the child's own," Pickhardt explains. It would be better for your child to get B’s on their own rather than get A’s because you helped them. You have to let your child learn things on their own instead of providing them with all the answers.
15 They Are Allowed To Act Their Age
Some parents expect their children to act older than they are. Sometimes even expecting them to behave like adults. Kids are kids and should be allowed to act like kids. They aren’t kids for very long, so let them be kids while they can. "When a child feels that only performing as well as parents is good enough, that unrealistic standard may discourage effort," he says. "Striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce confidence." You don’t want your child to be discouraged with life. Instead, you want them to flourish as much as possible in life.
14 They Are Curious About Everything
Kids who are curious should have their curiosity encouraged by their parents. If you find that your child has endless questions, that should always be encouraged. Paul Harris of Harvard University told The Guardian that asking questions is a helpful exercise for a child's development because it means they realize that "there are things they don't know ... that there are invisible worlds of knowledge they have never visited." When your child is in school, he will have a step ahead of his classmates because his parents encouraged these curious questions.
13 Mom Has High Expectations
If you have high expectations for your child, they will have the same for themselves. At the University of California, professor Neal Halfon and his colleagues discovered that when parents have high expectations, it’s more likely that children will attain them. "Parents who saw college in their child's future seemed to manage their child toward that goal irrespective of their income and other assets," he said in a statement. The Pygmalion effect states that "what one person expects of another can come to serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy." So have all the high expectations that you want for your child.
12 They Have Healthy Relationships With Mom
Children of parents who get along are more likely to be successful rather than children who are in high-conflict homes according to a University of Illinois study. Children who live in households with parents going it alone without conflict will still do better than a child living in a home with two parents that have a lot of conflict. Whether or not there is conflict in the home has a lot to do with whether or not your child is successful, so end the conflict and find a way to get along.
11 Parents Sought Out Higher Education
Higher education in your life actually affects your children as well. Mothers who have attained a higher education are more likely to raise children that will go out and do the same according to a study conducted by a University of Michigan psychologist Sandra Tang. The study also found that children who were born to teen moms were less likely to finish high school. By creating success for yourself, you will in turn create success for your future children because they are following a long a path that has already been set out for you.
10 Math Is Achieved Early On
The earlier that math is introduced into a child’s life, the more likely your child will succeed in life. "The paramount importance of early math skills — of beginning school with a knowledge of numbers, number order, and other rudimentary math concepts — is one of the puzzles coming out of the study," coauthor and Northwestern University researcher Greg Duncan said in a press release. "Mastery of early math skills predicts not only future math achievement, it also predicts future reading achievement." So, get out those math books and start making sure that your kids understand it as early as possible.
9 They Are Challenged Regularly
It’s always best to provide your child with new challenges frequently because it will help them to grow. Give them new but small goals and watch them succeed at these. These goals will show your child that they accomplish things and that’s something that they can be proud of. It’s kind of like showing your kid how to ride a bike but starting off with training wheels. "Parents can nurture confidence by increasing responsibilities that must be met," Pickhardt explains. Try new challenges and you will see how your child will grow over the years.
8 Mom Doesn’t Give Kids Shortcuts
You may be thinking that you are helping your child by creating shortcuts for them towards success, but you would be doing the opposite. A successful child is one that wasn’t given short cuts. If you want a child to be successful in the future then avoid giving them shortcuts or making exceptions for your child. By giving your child special treatment, you may be relaying a message to them that you have a lack of confidence in them Pickhardt says. "Entitlement is no substitute for confidence." So let your children do the work that they need to do to create their own success.
7 Their Performance Isn’t Criticized
If you want your child to be successful than you can’t discourage their efforts. If you criticize your son’s efforts, then you will discourage him. You could even cause him to not want to try anymore. Children who are successful are the ones that get useful feedback from their parents. You can make suggestions, but never come out and say that the child is doing a bad job. You don’t want to make it so that your child is always worried about failure because that’s not going to help your child to succeed. Successful children are the ones that aren’t afraid to try new things.
6 They Received Sensitive Caregiving
A study conduct on children born in poverty showed that the ones that received “sensitive caregiving” did better on academic tests in childhood. They also had greater academic attainment in their 30’s and developed healthier relationships. PsyBlog reported that parents who are sensitive caregivers "respond to their child's signals promptly and appropriately" and "provide a secure base" for their children to go out in the world. "This suggests that investments in early parent-child relationships may result in long-term returns that accumulate across individuals' lives," coauthor and University of Minnesota psychologist Lee Raby said in an interview.
5 They Don’t Have Stressful Lives
It’s common sense that kids who aren’t stressed out are more likely to succeed. Studies have found that parents who are stressed out because they work too much and are trying to find time to spend with their kids are actually negatively affecting their child. "Mothers' stress, especially when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly," study co-author and Bowling Green State University sociologist Kei Nomaguchi told The Post. Children can catch feelings like a cold you so want to have as stress free of a home as possible.
And here are 4 ways mom might be holding her kid back...
4 Parents Are Controlling
If you are the kind of parent that is pushy and wants to have a say in all your children’s relationships, you may be setting them up for failure. You can’t control who your kids are friends with because that causes more harm than good. You may think that you have a say in these things, but that’s not a great way to nurture your child’s relationships. This type of parent may eavesdrop on conversations with their children and their friends. Unless these friends are dangerous to your child, then you have no reason to control those relationships.
3 Mom Expects Perfection
Expecting your child to be perfect is a great way to hold them back from the success that they could have in life. Parents who are perfectionists themselves can also tend to be control freaks who want everything in their proper place. By creating rigid structures within the home, it doesn’t allow children to think outside the box. Sometimes these parents will also use ultimatums to get their children to follow the rules perfectly. If you want your child to succeed then you have to offer up some freedom to your child so that they can grow properly.
2 Mom Can Be Manipulating
Manipulating your child or trying to monopolize their life will only cause them more harm than good. Don’t try to take all your child’s affection because it’s selfish. Pushy parents can be selfish about their children’s love and that can cause the child to be held back. A manipulative mother may try to cut their children off from friends so that she can have them all to herself. It’s sad because this kind of behavior is only going to set your child up for failure. This is not the way to get your child to be successful, and it’s a sign that you are thinking more about yourself than you are about what’s best for them.
1 Mom Has Unreasonable Expectations
You want to have high expectations for your child, but at the same time, you don’t want to have unreasonable expectations either. Controlling parents can set unrealistic goals for their children. They may think they are putting them on the road to success, but they would be doing the complete opposite. By having an expectation of a child to be perfect, you could be making your child think that they are incapable of doing anything because they can’t reach those high goals that you have set for him. It’s important to be realistic with your children and don't set the bar impossibly high for them.