The greatest thing about living in today's age is that subjects that were once taboo, are no longer in the dark; they're now the new normal — something that's accepted and appreciated. One of these subjects is adoption.
However, while adoption has been happening for hundreds of years and is one of the most beautiful things in this world, people still seem to have questions regarding the entire process. It's normal, of course, but people still can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that these children have a set of parents who aren't biological. And to that I say WHO CARES?
These parents below are sick and tired of being asked the same old things time and time again. One would think that adults would have more dignity and respect than to ask such ridiculous things, but it proves their ignorance.
When a person or a couple adopts a baby, that baby is now theirs. They don't have an adopted son — they have a son. They don't have a "fake" child — they have a child. I know situations unlike our own are fascinating, but let's educate ourselves to be better, kinder people. Let's think before we speak and honor these blended families.
“I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t mine. I just don’t get why people would want to adopt.” That was one woman's pet peeve she told Creating a Family, that someone has said to her. The thing that these people seem to be forgetting is that love is love.
It doesn't matter if it's your mom, your spouse, or your dog — it's love. They may be different kinds of love, but it's all in the same.
When people say things like this, are they saying they don't love their nieces or nephews because they're not their own? It's just a ridiculous statement that had no thought behind it whatsoever.
Though I am not adopted, I can empathize with parents who have struggled years just to have their adoption information accepted. It's a long road to get a child, just like it is for some parents who are going through IVF.
One woman told the Huffington Post that someone said, "You are so lucky you never had to go through childbirth. Adoption is so much easier."
Is this woman seriously comparing the physical attributes of pregnancy and child birth to child adoption??
This is one phrase that many parents of adopted children hear:
"Are you afraid she will want to see her real mom one day?" What does "real mom" even mean?
The woman who adopted, raised, loves, and cares for this child is their real mom. That baby will look at this woman doing everything for them and realize that she is their mother. The woman who birthed this child was their biological mother, yes. But that does not change the fact that women who raise adopted children are real.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in freedom of speech and I love when people are curious. After all, asking questions is how we learn, it's how we grow. But there's a way to gain information without coming off as an ignorant airhead.
One woman told Creating a Family that someone said "Why didn’t his real parents want him?" in front of her son... When this woman told her she didn't want to discuss something so personal, she responded, “He won’t remember anything – he’s just a baby.”
News flash: That's not the point!
I think it's funny when people want to adopt and then refer to biological children as their "own." Does that mean when they adopt, their new kids won't be their own? We often hear people say, "We've always wanted to adopt, after we have a couple of our own first," and that entire thought process kind of contradicts the entire purpose of adoption.
We adopt children and animals because we want to make them our own. We want to support, love, and care for these beings.
We want them to be safe and to grow up strong. Once we adopt a child, a teen, or an animal, they are ours. We are their parents.
I love the fact that so many people feel compelled to speak their mind, but there comes a time when their thoughts have zero filter and they can do more harm than good. One person told Reddit, "I am Jewish, my partner is Korean-American, and our children were born in Korea. One is very light-skinned, one much darker; so many people say things like, 'yeah, I can tell this one is adopted, but that one looks like yours ...'" Even though both of these children are biologically theirs, people still feel the need to tell them they look different. Why don't people just say "You have adorable children!" instead?!
"I'm Hispanic, my husband is white and our son is black. I hate when people ask where we got him or where he's from. If he were white, they wouldn't ask, and I can tell they're dying to hear of how we rescued him from Ethiopia. They always look slightly disappointed when I tell them he was born in Atlanta," one woman told Reddit. I cannot imagine the ignorance she and her husband face daily. Parents don't adopt children to be portrayed as some kind of hero. They adopt because they want a family.
Adoption is expensive. There's a lot of paperwork involved, agreements that need to be made, transportation has to be set up — it can cost a pretty penny (not to mention a lot of heartache). But when all is said and done, and that little baby is in your arms, it's all worth it.
And while North America is a region where asking someone how much they make is considered rude, imagine how upsetting it is when someone asks "How much did she cost?" about your newly adopted daughter.
If asking someone how much they make before taxes is ill-mannered, then asking someone how much their child costs is brash to the enth degree.
Here's a little reminder for everyone: you don't need a reason to adopt. If you're looking to build a family and want to adopt a child in need of a family — then shoot for the stars. But there doesn't need to be some sort of deeper, more profound reason for adopting. And it's kind of infuriating that some people think you need a better reason to adopt a baby than just to start a family.
"If you're able to get pregnant, why did you adopt?" is a question many parents are asked. However, they don't need to answer. A child is a child — whether biological or adopted.
Who knew that where a person adopts makes any difference at all? There are thousands of people who seem to forget the fact that it doesn't matter where a child is adopted; it's the fact that they were finally adopted! Many North Americans adopt children from African and Asian countries, and disturbingly enough, people (who have not adopted) treat the scenario like it's Halloween.
"It's so easy to get a baby over there, they just give them away," one person told a family on Twenty Two Words.
That train of thinking alone shows more about them than it does on the family who opened their doors and hearts to another child.
My best friend has two sisters who were adopted from China. One was adopted when she was just an infant and the other was adopted around the age of three. They're now both beautiful young adults who have been raised in America. However, when they were growing up, we had many people ask her family if they spoke Chinese, if they liked America, and if they were smart because they were Chinese... Considering both girls were adopted so young, they hardly remember a thing about China and are red, white, and blue Americans. How people can be so outwardly stereotypical is alarming.
Many people look at adoption as some sort of charity case. These strangers are some how empathetic to these children who don't know their "real" parents; thinking they're so "lucky" that someone adopted them...
But in actuality, it's the parents who are the lucky ones. They were gifted the beauty of a child.
It doesn't matter where they came from or the journey to get a baby — they were gifted the perfect one.
In matters where people say the child is "lucky" to be saved from their biological parents, it's the new family that is lucky to be finally united.
Adoption can be a long, hard process, so when parents are lucky enough to adopt more than one child, they're pretty blessed to expand their family in such a beautiful way. But one remark that's incredibly insensitive is when parents adopt children from different orphanages—or at different times—from the same country, and strangers ask if they're "real siblings."
Once children are adopted into a family, they are real siblings. Same blood or not, they are siblings.
"Why did you choose international adoption when there are so many kids who need homes here?" is something a mother told Good Housekeeping that really upset her.
"There are children all over the world who need families. No child is more deserving of a family than another, regardless of where he or she was born," she told the publication.
Asking a parent to justify their love for a child is so messed up. It doesn't matter where a child is adopted from — it's the fact that a child finally has a deserving home.
A mother was packing the car with groceries when she noticed a man looking at her family (which consisted of one adopted daughter). After watching them for long enough, this man had the audacity to tell the two girls "You realise that's not your real sister right?" It's disgusting comments like this that make some adoptees' lives uncomfortable. It's also unclear to me how some people think like this. The two girls were brought up together, have the same last name, and same parents... how are they not sisters?
When people dive into adoption, some have the option to select their child (perhaps they met them and felt an instant bond), while others are simply entered into a lottery, and when their information is accepted, they're given a baby at random. But parents are thankful for any child they get; it's not about what they "look" like.
However, some people decide not to adopt because “You never know what you are going to get when you adopt!”
Which is probably one of the more close minded thoughts I've ever heard.
And here is what celebrities, who have adopted, have had to deal with...
Did you forget that actress Sandra Bullock is a mother to two kids?! I totally forgot about her blossoming family! Nevertheless, Sandra adopted her son Louis from New Orleans in 2010. She was so in love with him that in 2015 she also adopted a daughter from the same city.
However, it wasn't an easy process — especially for a single mother. Furthermore, people had many opinions about the fact that she is a white mother who adopted two black children. Tabloids couldn't stop talking about the differences and that her children were adopted. But Sandra eventually had enough. She told InStyle that she was sick of people saying "adopted children."
"Don't say 'my adopted child.' No one calls their kid their 'IVF child,' she notes. Let just say, 'our children.'"
Believe it or not, Madonna is a mother of six! She had her first daughter Lourdes with ex Carlos Leon. Then came her son Rocco with ex-husband Guy Ritchie. But her brood kept expanding after adopting David (2006), Mercy (2009), and twin girls Ester and Stella (2017).
No matter how comfortable their life must be as a family, Madonna was dubbed an unfit mother after some raunchy performances, and people brought up the race card since four of Madonna's children are indeed black. One writer disagreed with Madonna adopting black children so much that they wrote an entire article about it on Medium; claiming Madonna was racist and blaming the adoption system for letting women "like her" continue to adopt.
Actress Katherine Heigl has made some interesting moves professionally, however no one can say she isn't a stellar mom. Just looking at her social media pages shows how dedicated she is to her kids.
After not thinking "pregnancy was in the cards," she and her husband adopted two little girls: one from South Korea and one from America. However, in 2017, Katherine found herself pregnant and gave birth to their first little boy. Their sweet little family is now complete!
However, if you scrolled through some of the comments in her family pictures on Instagram, you would quickly see people commenting on the fact that she has two children who don't look like her (as if that matters).
One commenter wrote, "Seems like your biological child is much more recognized than your adopted children," which is so incredibly thoughtless, it's tough to put into words.
South African actress Charlize Theron adopted two children Jackson and August from an orphanage. But last summer the mother of two came under fire when she let her son wear a Frozen dress and blonde wig. As a young adopted, black boy — fans and haters were outraged at her parenting; some even tweeting "Shame on Charlize Theron for allowing her black adopted SON to dress up in a blonde wig and a dress. Very unacceptable." But Charlize didn't care about the criticism.
"Adoption is a very personal thing—I know people whom I love dearly who don’t feel that they could raise another child as their own. I respect that. But for me—and I can’t be the only person out there—I never saw a difference in raising an adopted child versus my own biological child," she told Elle.
You know Connie Britton for her most recent work on the TV hit Nashville. But the actress is also a mom to son Eyob "Yoby" Britton, whom she adopted from Ethiopia in 2011. Since she adopted Yoby, she's been very proactive in making adoption more common. But some people don't always agree with her.
After telling Instagram that Ethiopia changed their adoption laws, a few people were quick to comment their distaste for her support.
One person wrote, "That was a nice thing to do but we have plenty of children here in the U.S. who need to be adopted, also in my opinion we should take care of home before some other countries in my eyes. You stepped over a local child to help elsewhere."
A child is a child and the insensitivity in so many people is astonishing.