"Brangelina" took the world by storm back in the summer of 2004 when they first met on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith (while he was still married to Jennifer Aniston, don't forget). Their meeting was soon followed by baby-making, marriage, wine-making, more movie-making, and humanitarian efforts all over the globe.
Unfortunately, their 12-year romance came to a dramatic end when Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt back in 2016 following an explosive fight on a plane between an (allegedly drunk and belligerent) Brad and their son, Maddox. They parted ways the minute their plane landed and things have been difficult between them. Although their custody battle is still ongoing, Brad Pitt has recently been given four hours of custody every other day on school days, and 12 hours every other day on non-school days, which seems to be a lot of back-and-forth for the kids.
Given how different Brad and Angelina's backgrounds are, I'm sure the rules at Brad's place DO NOT apply at Angelina's, but I guess that's something the kids are going to have to get used to. A difference in parenting styles was allegedly a major part of their break-up, after all (not to mention Brad's drinking and stoner habits, which he now claims are a thing of the past).
Here are 12 rules the Jolie-Pitt kids will have to follow at Brad's place, and 10 they follow at Angelina's.
22 Don't Get Too Comfortable
There's no doubt about it, Brad and Angelina's custody battle over their six children has been...intense, to say the least. Luckily for Brad, the judge granted him an every-other-day visitation arrangement following the recent expiration of the couple's temporary summer custody agreement. Permanent legal arrangements are still pending, but this is definitely a win for Brad in terms of how often he's seeing his kids. Is it a win for the kids, though? That's a lot of back and forth, and they can't even spend the night! Don't get too comfortable, guys.
21 Cooking And Cleaning
According to the rumor mill (and the reports from ex-nannies), Angelina doesn't make the kids pick up after themselves and they are basically living in an expensive pig sty.
Brad Pitt, however, has always been a fan of cleanliness and personal responsibility.
Back in 2012, when the couple was still together, a source told The Daily Mirror that Brad enjoyed doing the washing and ironing himself.
"He likes nothing more than doing a bit of housework before getting the kids to help him prepare dinner, which they love. He's turned into a right Mr. Muscle. He's also been going to the local supermarket, and runs errands to the local dry cleaners in Camberley."
20 Hello, Discipline
Brad has always been the disciplinarian of the family, and we didn't just hear this from the rumor mill- this bit of information came directly from the horse's mouth. He told The Telegraph,
"I am [a disciplinarian] with the boys,"
"Girls do no wrong so I don't have to be. I feel like my job is to show 'em around, help them find what they want to do with their life, put as many things in front of them, and pull them back when they get out of line, so they know who they are."
19 Set Goals For Yourself And BE HUMBLE
Brad has always wanted to help his kids "find what they want to do with their life" by introducing them to new things in the hopes that it will point them in the right direction.
"Like all parents, I have ambitious plans for them," Brad once said in an interview. "I hope they will find their place in life, and my name will not be a hindrance to them. I know a lot of sad stories of those who had inherited a large fortune, and I fully understand the risks. Yes, my children have access to everything that is best in the world. Compared to others they have a huge advantage – I hope they are aware of this and will appreciate it."
18 Go To Bed
In Touch Weekly has reported that life with Angelina (minus Brad) is a total madhouse. Apparently things like decorating, discipline, basic rules and bedtime were more of Brad's thing.
"It's not uncommon for all of the kids to be up past midnight during the week, eating sugary snacks and soda," a source says. "They go to bed very, very late and end up sleeping in very late the next day."
Looks like Brad's the voice of reason. If the kids want a good night's sleep, they might want to beg the judge for a sleepover at Dad's.
17 Actually Stay In One Place
Given that jet-setting has been a major part of their lives, it must be quite a shock to the Jolie-Pitt kids to stay in one place for once.
Not only does Brad prefer to keep them at home during their visits, they also haven't been legally allowed to leave the country amid their parents' custody battle.
“Brad tries to maintain a safe environment for the children, so that when they visit they stay home,” a source told ET. "When the children are visiting, they are usually accompanied by bodyguards and nannies. The house is basically on lockdown. He wants his time with his children to be private.”
16 Respect Authority And Get Good Grades
When asked about his parental ambitions for his children, Brad said what any good parent would say.
"I can only insist that children respect their teachers and are well behaved in class, recognize the authority of adults, and achieve good results in their studies. What else to add? Each of them is an integral part of my life. Forever."
Although these seem like normal expectations, this must be a hard pill to swallow for kids that have been raised with Angelina's "no rules" lifestyle.
Unlike Angelina, Brad comes from a typical midwestern family that doesn't tolerate any sass. Good for him.
15 Mind Your Manners
An unnamed member of the household staff, who worked for the couple for multiple years, recently told The Sun that Brad was nothing but a loving father who expected his children to be respectful and polite.
“In my view Brad has always been a loving parent. He has been a boundary setter and [taught] manners and you’re polite and you respect people, giving them all the right tools to succeed as young adults. He is always there for them as a parent should be, through the good times and the bad times."
14 Do Things For Yourself
In an interview with Hello! Magazine, Brad Pitt opened up about his experience being raised in a strict, midwestern family.
"One thing my folks always stressed was being capable, doing things for yourself. [My father] was really big on integrity – and that informed a lot of what [we] try to do now."
Obviously these values stuck with Brad into adulthood and he expects his kids to be honest, upright individuals who aren't always relying on others to do things for them. A pretty tall order considering their rich and famous upbringing, but I'm willing to bet that no one gets coddled in Brad's household.
13 Heavy Supervision
Brad's visits with his children continue to be supervised with the presence of court-approved officials from the Department of Children and Family Services, so it's not as if he can do whatever he wants with his kids (as much as he might want to). Not great, but it could actually work in his favor.
“The use of supervised visitation can be useful for Brad to prove abuse by Angelina because an independent third-party can observe what is going on between Brad and his kids. This third party can report if Brad is demonstrating appropriate parenting, and the children are having outsized reactions. Brad would be well-served to have supervised visitation for this reason,” says David T. Pisarra, a California Family Law Attorney.
12 No Googling Your Parents
Anyone who googles the names Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie will stumble upon millions of results, but you know who won't be googling them at all? Their kids, thanks to Brad's household rules.
“On all the kids’ computers we had our names blocked,” the actor, 48, told Germany’s Bild. “They can’t Google their mom and dad. I don’t want to make myself dependent on what other people think.”
Sorry, kids, but it looks like you won't be reading this article after all.
11 Do Chores
Sorry, kids, but when you visit dad's house you're going to be doing chores like (GASP!) other children your age.
One ex-staff member told The Sun, “He is a dad who will want the kids to do chores and things like that. Like most mums and dads, it’s a good cop bad cop thing. Like the old saying, ‘Wait until your father gets home’. Brad is kind of the enforcer. The kids never complained."
Brad Pitt, the Enforcer of Chores! I can't see behind closed doors, but he sounds like a good dad to me.
And here is what living in Angelina's house is like...
10 No Drinking In The House (Even After 21)
According to many sources, Angelina has banned alcohol from her home PERMANENTLY (even after the children turn 21). Whomp, whomp. Given Brad Pitt's struggle with sobriety, I can't say I'm that surprised; Brad himself admitted to having an alcohol problem in his interview with GQ.
Alcoholism can be hereditary, so fear for her kids might be playing a part in the "dry house" rule.
While I respect where she's coming from, demonizing alcohol can sometimes have the opposite effect and only make kids want it more.
9 Run Wild
According to an article in inTouch, Angelina's household is waaaaaay out-of-control now that Brad is out of the picture. A source close to Brad remarks that Angelina now finds herself alone with all of the children, saying, "Angelina has lost control. It's [messy] what goes on in this house."
Um, so what exactly is going on?!
"Food and water fights and soccer games inside the house remain the norm," a family insider reveals. "Angelina has no clue what she is doing. There are absolutely no rules."
8 Eat Bugs
Most kids just have to worry about their mom forcing them to eat their vegetables, but all six of Angelina's kids are expected to cook and eat bugs. Don't believe me? Vanity Fair was there to document all of it, complete with Angelina discussing bugs like she was at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
“You start with crickets and a beer, and you then you kind of move up to tarantulas,”
Her kids, Knox and Vivienne, were filmed right alongside her, removing the fangs from tarantulas and frying them up with scorpions.
“It’s like dry chips; like flavorless chips,” Knox said, unenthusiastically.
Unlike Brad, Angelina isn't a big fan of structure, so it's no surprise that traditional school isn't something she'd go for. Although they used to attend Lycee Français—a French-language school with campuses all over the world, they eventually dropped out and are now homeschooled by a team of international teachers.
At a screening of First They Killed My Father, she told People, "It bothered me how little I was taught in school. I do worry about my children’s education. I homeschool partially because they are from around the world and it’s very...I didn’t want them to have the same education I had when it came to Vietnam or Cambodia."
6 Learn A Foreign Language
Back in 2016, Angelina told the BBC that all of her kids were learning different languages as part of their homeschooling program (because her kids are worldly humanitarians, duh).
"I asked them what languages they wanted to learn and Shi is learning Khmai, which is the Cambodian language, Pax is focusing on Vietnamese, Mad has taken to German and Russian, Z is speaking French, Vivienne really wanted to learn Arabic, and Knox is learning sign language."
No children of Angelina's are going to embarrass themselves by only speaking English!
5 Answer To A Nickname
Angelina is a big fan of nicknames for her kids, and she's got a lot of them, so hold onto your butts. 16-year-old Maddox is "Mad," 13-year-old Zahara is "Z," 12-year-old Shiloh is called "Shi" (and according to Brad, she's also called John). I'm not sure what they call the youngest two, only time will tell. Back when Brangelina was still a thing they had their own special pet names for each other, with Brad reportedly referring to Angelina as "Kitty," while she called him "Miffy." Sounds pretty cringe-worthy, if I'm honest.
4 Family Comes Before Friends
Not every parent is cool with calling their children their "best friends," but that's exactly what Angelina did at the Toronto International Film festival last year.
"We’re really such a unit. They’re the best friends I’ve ever had,’ the 42-year-old explained. "Nobody in my life has ever stood by me more."
It doesn't look like the kids have many friends their own age, possibly because security is a big worry for Angelina. Sad.
"I think they’re itching to get out in the world again," she told PEOPLE. "We’ve all been a bit on lockdown and going through some things. I think it would be good to get out there and play together."
Or, you know...they could play with kids their own age.
3 Be Little Humanitarians
Everyone knows that Angelina takes her humanitarian efforts SERIOUSLY, but she also expects the same of her children.
As well as donating a ton of money to various charities, Angelina jets all over the world to get her hands dirty and help others in need, and her kids have always tagged along with her.
In 2001, Jolie became a part of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), frequently traveling to international trouble spots and meeting with refugees. It looks like her passion is rubbing off, as Maddox Jolie-Pitt became the executive producer for a film about the Khmer Rouge genocide, First They Killed My Father, which sheds light on the Cambodian genocide.
2 "Mommy And Me" Time
Given that she's got six kids at all different ages, it's not surprising that Angelina Jolie would carve out special one-on-one time in order to connect with each of them individually. One particular "date night" was with her son, Pax, who she took as her plus one to the Golden Globes earlier this year. The pair wore matching black ensembles and sat at a table with their personalized name cards, enjoying the evening.
“Pax seemed very protective over his mom,” an onlooker told Us Weekly.
Awww. I'm sure Pax is not the only Jolie-Pitt kid we'll be seeing at the Golden Globes over the years.
1 Pretend We're Normal
I think we can all agree that the Jolie-Pitt kids DO NOT live a normal existence, but Angelina sure likes to pretend that they do.
“I’m just wanting to make them a proper breakfast and keep the house. That’s my passion. At the request of my kids, I’m taking cooking classes,” she told PEOPLE. "I’ve been trying for nine months to be really good at just being a homemaker and picking up dog poop and cleaning dishes and reading bedtime stories. And I’m getting better at all three."
Her son Knox hasn't been fooled by her attempts at being normal.
After being told by his mother to "pretend to be normal", Knox responded with,
"Who wants to be normal? We're not normal. Let's never be normal."
Sources: Time.com, USMagazine.com, Celebrity.nine.com.au, CelebrityDirtyLaundry.com, Telegraph.co.uk, InTochWeekly.com, OkMagazine.com, ETOnline.com, TheSun.co.uk, HelloMagazine.com, CelebrityInsider.org, People.com, GQ.com, VanityFair.com, BBC.co.uk, Yahoo.com